So, here it is. Our best attempt at being both concise and including the proper amount of detail. Enjoy. And, I hope you can be encouraged by this.
Michelle: Sometime in December 2018, my cousin mentioned
the need for house parents at Gateway and half-jokingly said we should consider
a position. I laughed it off, especially since I was in the process of taking a
position at the Illinois branch of Gateway as an Adoption Caseworker. But, as
time passed, I could not get the thought off my mind. Maybe we were supposed to
move to Gateway. Maybe that’s where our family was supposed to be. I didn’t want to. I didn’t like the idea. I
didn’t want to move. I was happy where I was. I didn’t want to move states,
switch churches, leave family, lose comforts… I didn’t want to. So. I didn’t
say anything to Nathan. But, the
wondering and thoughts kept coming. Eventually, I prayed that God would take
away those thoughts. That if this was something we were truly supposed to consider,
God would bring them back. And they went away, for months. I thought nothing of
it.
Michelle:
In June, we went to my cousin's wedding in Indiana. In church then, someone
commented that we should consider being house parents. On the drive home, we
both said we didn't think we could ever do it. We didn’t talk about it anymore
and left it as that.
Michelle:
Later in June it became clear that Nathan’s job, which had been an ongoing
source of stress, seemed to be at a dead end. We decided together that we
needed to pray whether Nathan should start looking for another job or stay. We
decided to pray specifically about this each night together for the whole month
of July. Once we began praying, the conviction about the house parent openings
at Gateway came flooding back. But, again, I mentioned nothing to Nathan for
fear he’d want to pray about it. Little did I know, Nathan was beginning to
feel the same way.
Nathan:
Around the middle of July, Nathan started feeling like God wanted us to pray
about the house parents position at Gateway (Michelle still hadn't told me she
had ever thought about it). I brought it up to Michelle, and we again both went
through our concerns, but agreed to change our praying to be specific about it.
Michelle:
We didn’t really know how to pray about a big change like this. A good friend of mine had recently made a big
move with her family, so I gave her a call.
She encouraged me, gave me all sorts of wisdom, and told me that they
had spent time praying through their fears and concerns.
Nathan:
We wrote down our main concerns and prayed specifically about one each night
for a week. On Wednesday that week, things were not going well with the kids
after I got home from work, and we had to leave in 10 minutes to be on time. We
almost decided to stay home, but we both said no, we need to go, even if we’re
late. By a miracle, we got ready quicker than we ever had before, and ended up
being almost the first people to church. The evening sermon was about not
letting our fears keep us from being bold when God calls us to do something. I felt strong direction from this, and
Michelle was very glad we had decided to go.
Michelle:
As we prayed through our fears and concerns: moving far from family, effect it
would have on our children, becoming a part of a new church, and safety concerns,
God continued to show me he would be there. God won’t take away the cause of
the fear or concern, but He will be there in it and through it. And, in that I
found peace that whatever way this process went, God meant it for our good.
Michelle:
We eventually talked with Nathan’s parents and with Michelle’s parents.. They
voiced concerns, gave some advice, and agreed to pray about it. We knew all we
could ask and expect from our parents was that they could trust that it was God
leading us to Gateway, and not just something we wanted to do.
Nathan:
After talking with our parents Nathan started praying that God would speak to
our parents too, so they could be confident in our decision. On Wednesday that week, the evening sermon was
about Jehoshaphat and the children of Israel standing before God when three
enemy kings had allied together and were coming against Israel. The minister
ended the first reading in the middle of the chapter, but Nathan read a little
further and read the verse stating God’s answer to their prayer, “Ye shall not need to fight in this battle:
set yourselves, stand ye still, and see the salvation of the Lord with you, O
Judah and Jerusalem: fear not, nor be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them:
for the Lord will be with you. 2Ch 20:17” Nathan thought, “I wish the
minister had read a few more verses, because I think this is an answer to my
prayer for our parents.” After the prayer, the minister got up and said, “Let’s
just read a few more verses before we turn to the New Testament, because it is
an encouragement.” The rest of the sermon was about being a citizen of God’s
Kingdom here on earth and taking on responsibilities that go along with that. Nathan
felt strongly that this was an answer that God would speak to our parents to
allow them to trust and more direction to move forward with Gateway.
Nathan: Throughout the entire process, one thing that kept coming
up in Nathan’s personal reading and meditation was that when Abraham, the
Father of Faith, was asked to sacrifice his son Isaac, he got up early in the
morning and went in that direction, believing that if God let him go through
with the sacrifice, God would raise Isaac from the dead to fulfil the promise
of children like the sands of the sea and the stars of the sky.
Nathan: One night, when we
were reading together before bed, we opened to James 2. Michelle had just started
reading through the book of James that morning and read James 1. James 1 had come up for Nathan a few days
earlier, with the last verse speaking to him, “Pure religion and undefiled
before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their
affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.” James 2 talks about
showing our faith by our works, and uses the example of Abraham offering Isaac.
Michelle: At this point I was still struggling to feel direction. I
felt at peace. I knew God was with us and that he meant the process for good.
But, I was struggling to find anything concrete in what I read or heard pointing
me in a specific direction.
Nathan: The next morning, after reading James 2, was Trent &
Tiffany’s wedding in Peoria. We had a very rough morning trying to get the kids
ready, (Michelle interjects: think chasing kids down to stuff them in diapers
to turn around and see the other one is making a complete mess of something,
and while you are dealing with that, kid 1 has wrangled themselves away again
and is less dressed than previously) and didn’t get to church until after the
first reading. When we sat down, the minister was talking about how Abraham was
called by God to move to a new country, and he got up early in the morning and
left. He also talked about Abraham offering Isaac, and pursuing God in faith
without hesitating, negotiating, questioning, or debating. The second minister
got up and talked again about Abraham offering Isaac, being obedient to God in
doing things we don’t want to do, and having faith when we’re called to do
something. He talked about a young couple from his congregation who recently
left for Haiti. He specifically stated, “I don’t believe that they did that or
chose that on their own. They were called to that, and they had to have faith
to do it, to leave family and all the things that they’re familiar with, not
knowing what was before them.” This was when Nathan decided we had to keep
moving forward towards Gateway and put in an application, whether it was
accepted or not.
Michelle: After that sermon I knew that whether I felt
direction (in the way I wanted to) or not, I needed to step out in faith with
Nathan and keep moving forward. I believed that if this was not God’s will, he
could easily change our direction, but we needed to step forward. So, together
we did. We didn’t send in the
application right away, but it was then we decided to go ahead.
Michelle: And a strange thing happened. The peace
persisted and I started to receive more direction. A couple mornings later
while reading James 4, verse 17 hit me like a ton of bricks: “Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not,
to him it is sin.” This was the good we were supposed to do. And to not
do it, would be sin.
Michelle: We went out to eat with
Nathan’s parents to talk more. We share our story up to that point and as
Nathan shared about the Jehoshaphat sermon, I was surprised. Nathan had learned
early on to not share everything with me. As much as I was willing to submit to
what ever he decided, it was hard to see him receiving direction when I wasn’t.
So, this was the first time I had heard of what that sermon had meant to him.
And, then I shared that just that morning, I had listed to a Bible story
podcast with Gideon about that exact story. I remember how it hit me. I knew
that all of it- our fears, all of our doubts, our sorrow over what we would be
leaving, missing our parents, the sorrow our parents would have, their fears
and concerns- all of it was not my battle, I didn’t need to be afraid, It was
God’s. It was incredible to see how God used the same story with both of us at
different times.
Michelle: It was also then that I
realized how grateful I was that Nathan had brought it up first, that Nathan had
more direction than I, and that he was the one ‘ahead’ of me in the process. It’s
my natural passion to care for the hurting, to work with kids, and want to DO
something. I’m the one with passion and excitement and emotion driving me. I am so grateful God caused me to be held
back, so there is no question if this was our desire, my desire, or God’s
desire.
Michelle: We talked with Gateway and asked questions and
since my parents were on vacation, I spoke with them on the phone. And
then we turned in the application. We
went out to an interview at the beginning of September. On the drive home, I
mentioned to Nathan how odd it was that I had little direction until after we
had agreed to move forward. We laughed that I’m just a slow poke at this kind
of decision (lets remember the 3 month proposal…but that’s for another time.) But
then we turned on a sermon chosen at random. In it the minister spoke about how
often we need to take a step of faith before God shows us. How we need to step
out in faith despite the fears and follow and then God will lead. He then
brought up examples of Abraham leaving his home, Abraham sacrificing Isaac, and
Jehosaphat… It was such a confirmation of all we had been through.
In Christ
~ Michelle and Nathan
