Well, I quit my job.
I was planning to return to work at the beginning of January. It was a really tough decision and I'm still struggling with it. It's a very bittersweet feeling.
When I started working, my plan was to work for a year or so, start having kids, and quit my job. (haha you know how me and plans turn out.) But, I fell in love with my job. I loved my clients, I loved my coworkers, and I loved what I did. It became my ministry and it was hard for me to imagine ever leaving it.
When it came close to deciding whether to leave work or come back after having Gideon, I decided to go back. I was connected and involved with my clients, I didn't want my clients to lose yet another relationship, I felt God had placed me in the job and didn't know if it was time to leave, and I know my tendency towards boredom and stir-craziness.
I was pretty adamant about going back to work, so when I started having second thoughts, part of me wanted to return purely to prove it could be done. :)
It was multiple factors all playing together: Full time seemed very overwhelming. There wasn't an option for part time. I recently learned that we would be remaining salaried and not switching to hourly (less flexibility).
I possess this blessing-and-a-curse type ability to disengage from relationships I am emotionally attached in without really being effected. In other words, I can drop people quickly, and unless one of us makes an effort to maintain the relationship, I can go on as if the relationship never happened. Not exactly the best trait to have, but it comes in handy when dealing with high emotion cases that come and go.
Anyway, because of that, I had already detached myself emotionally from my clients over the past 8 weeks. It also so happens that one of them ended up in jail and won't be back for a while, while I was gone, one went in to crisis, which seemed really overwhelming to return to, and prior to me going on leave, one had already been distancing himself from me and the agency. And, the others were new clients that I was still trying to build a relationship with.
Some of you can say "I told you so". Gideon turned out to be more fun than I expected. And, the thought of other people raising him did get to me a little.
And, yet another factor is we don't want to keep putting off fostering. With me not working, we'll be more available and ready to be used in that way.
I went to work today and said my goodbyes and packed up my desk. Thankfully, I did all of my crying and mourning yesterday, and I remained emotionally stable.
Yes, I will be mourning my job. I loved it. Every last bit of the crazy, stressful, slightly unsafe, eye opening work.
But, yes I look forward to being home with Gideon, going swimming in the summer, spending time with friends during the day, having time to make supper, having the ability to go to funerals, sewing, and other daytime church activities, and just generally having more time. (I'm still a bit worried about stir-craziness and boredom,:) especially this winter)
Bittersweet.
Anyway, I brought home all of my old calendars and I hope to compile some memories and stories that maybe I'll share.
Sigh. But, not working does take us down to a one income home. Which means I have to be more careful about how much Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts I buy. hehe. :)
In Christ
~Michelle
I was planning to return to work at the beginning of January. It was a really tough decision and I'm still struggling with it. It's a very bittersweet feeling.
When I started working, my plan was to work for a year or so, start having kids, and quit my job. (haha you know how me and plans turn out.) But, I fell in love with my job. I loved my clients, I loved my coworkers, and I loved what I did. It became my ministry and it was hard for me to imagine ever leaving it.
When it came close to deciding whether to leave work or come back after having Gideon, I decided to go back. I was connected and involved with my clients, I didn't want my clients to lose yet another relationship, I felt God had placed me in the job and didn't know if it was time to leave, and I know my tendency towards boredom and stir-craziness.
I was pretty adamant about going back to work, so when I started having second thoughts, part of me wanted to return purely to prove it could be done. :)
It was multiple factors all playing together: Full time seemed very overwhelming. There wasn't an option for part time. I recently learned that we would be remaining salaried and not switching to hourly (less flexibility).
I possess this blessing-and-a-curse type ability to disengage from relationships I am emotionally attached in without really being effected. In other words, I can drop people quickly, and unless one of us makes an effort to maintain the relationship, I can go on as if the relationship never happened. Not exactly the best trait to have, but it comes in handy when dealing with high emotion cases that come and go.
Anyway, because of that, I had already detached myself emotionally from my clients over the past 8 weeks. It also so happens that one of them ended up in jail and won't be back for a while, while I was gone, one went in to crisis, which seemed really overwhelming to return to, and prior to me going on leave, one had already been distancing himself from me and the agency. And, the others were new clients that I was still trying to build a relationship with.
Some of you can say "I told you so". Gideon turned out to be more fun than I expected. And, the thought of other people raising him did get to me a little.
And, yet another factor is we don't want to keep putting off fostering. With me not working, we'll be more available and ready to be used in that way.
I went to work today and said my goodbyes and packed up my desk. Thankfully, I did all of my crying and mourning yesterday, and I remained emotionally stable.
Yes, I will be mourning my job. I loved it. Every last bit of the crazy, stressful, slightly unsafe, eye opening work.
But, yes I look forward to being home with Gideon, going swimming in the summer, spending time with friends during the day, having time to make supper, having the ability to go to funerals, sewing, and other daytime church activities, and just generally having more time. (I'm still a bit worried about stir-craziness and boredom,:) especially this winter)
Bittersweet.
Anyway, I brought home all of my old calendars and I hope to compile some memories and stories that maybe I'll share.
Sigh. But, not working does take us down to a one income home. Which means I have to be more careful about how much Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts I buy. hehe. :)
In Christ
~Michelle
1 comment:
love and prayers for your adjustment. :) the reality of winter boredom is real... but you'll do a great job keeping yourself busy. and, spring will come again...
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