David & Jessica, Ava, and the beginning of October

September ended with the general business that has been filling our lives these days.  Hospital tours, finishing our online birth classes, meeting with our doula, keeping our house in relatively clean conditions, baby showers...

I left work early one afternoon and headed to the farm.  Jenny came with the girls and she helped me with the baby quilt I want to make. Mom watched the girlies so we could sew.

I found the quilt online and fell in love. Of course it was already out of stock, so I asked Jenny how hard it would be to make.  Thankfully, she knows what she is doing.

making the quilt blocks

emmy washed dishes..hehe:)

Cecily was entertained by Donald duck.

Yah, I don't sew much. It took me forever to sew a couple blocks together. Jenny probably ended up sewing the majority of the quilt, since she kept fixing my uneven corners.

We got the top all pieced together! :)

We had a bit of fun catching a frog.  I thought the girls would like it, but I ended up almost setting it loose in the house.  There was lots of screaming.

poor little froggy

Nathan's brother David got married on the 25th. 

We went out for the rehearsal dinner on Saturday and stayed with Reid and Tiffany over night.

They got married on Sunday. 

Nathan's family is in danger of exploding...

We are now a family of 16 (+ 2 on the way)!

At the very end of September, I had my church baby shower.

they themed it "Jesus loves all the children of the world"

The hosti

Jenny gave the best/nerdiest gift :)

mwahaha.

People think we are crazy

So, I didn't get much for baby clothes, because we don't know what we are having.  So, I had a minor panic moment and ordered a bunch of basic neutral baby clothes online. Then I found two large boxes of clothes from garage sales and hand-me-downs from Lena...

I shouldn't have worried.

I think we have plenty of clothes.

Matthew and Rebecca had baby #2 on October 1st.  So, I'm an aunt again. :)

Ava Louise

The following Saturday, I had my friends baby shower. Pretty much an excuse to get together with some awesome girls :)

playing the diaper/chocolate bar game.

Thanks Wendi for hosting!

and to all of my other wonderful friends, for helping and giving me awesome things :)

I stopped by Menards and finally got myself some fall flowers for our porch.

random neighbor kitty likes my mum.

That evening, we went to Nathan's 10 year class reunion. We were one of 4 original classmates to show up... We had fun anyway.

One evening, Nathan set up our crib.

We were babysitting Jack...

he liked the cloth diapers :)

playing :)

The baby's room is pretty much ready to go!

Saturday morning, I made waffles.

they were so pretty I had to take a picture.

I took most of Friday off and we had Saturday free, so I took the opportunity to work on a few more projects.  One of the many projects on our to-do list was to deep clean the house. I started in the kitchen and I'm glad I did. While cleaning under the sink, we discovered this:

The drain pipe wasn't even connected!

The whole under-sink area was water logged, warped and gross.  My dad stopped by that afternoon and had it fixed in a few minutes.  yay for dads :)

My mom spent the afternoon at our house too.  She helped me repaint the "pink room".

The original color

The new color is "Flotsam"  a lovely grey/beige

Nathan worked on building our fire ring. I'm hoping to get a fresh s'more before baby comes. ;) I'm weird.

He did a pretty awesome job.

I finished up the painting in the evening. it's a much more neutral color now. So, when we get foster children, or our own child grows up and moves into this room, we won't have to repaint.

It looks so fresh

our toy corner

my little office area

Three weeks to go. Theoretically.  ;)  On average first time mothers, with no complications, go an average of 41 weeks, not 40, so most likely I've got a strong 4 weeks still.

To answer the many questions/comments:

I'm still feeling great.

Baby is doing good.

No, I'm not really counting the days...I guess weeks, yes. 

I'm not overly ready to have the baby. I mean I'm excited, don't get me wrong, but I'm not all antsy and impatient.

No, actually,  I'm not nervous about birth. Nathan is super supportive and I have an awesome doula. :) And, what good does worry do anyway?

Yup, my life is going to change, but that was kind of the plan. ;)

No, we still don't know what we are having.

Yes, we have names picked out. No, I'm not going to tell. :)

And...yes, I plan to return to work. Gasp.  I know that's not the norm, and I've gotten a lot of varied responses, including some pretty negative ones. But, both Nathan and I have prayed about it and agreed that this is where God wants me right now.

In Christ

~Michelle

The other day in court

In some court houses you can’t sit in on other cases, but the other day, I got to sit in a watch the cases before mine was called.

I watched as the officers brought her in to the court room, her hands cuffed to her waist.  She nodded at her caseworker sitting a row over from me.  The Judge began to ramble down the list of things he always says, introducing everyone in the room.  And then the judge said “ma’am, do you understand that the State has filed a petition to terminate your parental rights?”

The woman nodded.  No change on her face.  The judge began to read the State’s petition: She had been found unfit as a parent and she had not made reasonable efforts to correct the situation.  The State was petitioning that all rights as a parent be removed from this woman because she was considered unfit and unable to parent.

Still the woman’s face did not change.

The judge continued to read through the petition and ramble about the woman’s rights etc.  He stopped at one point and said “oh yah, I remember this case” but proceeded on with no change in his expression.

Another court date was set to make the decision.   The judge smiled at the woman and told her he’d see her next time. The woman mouthed a question to her caseworker and was led out of the court room.

My heart sunk. 

How could you be told that you are unfit as a parent and not have it tear you to pieces? How could you sit, without reacting, to hearing that you are not only unfit but that the State has decided you no longer deserve to have rights as a parent?  You have failed.  You have failed to the point that some man with a robe can read through the petition, not remembering who you are, without a sign of emotion.  You have failed to the point that the attorneys and workers in the room don’t react. This is normal. This is expected. This is mundane. You have failed.

She showed no sign of emotion. 

You could judge her and scoff and be grateful that her children were no longer with her.   You could think she doesn’t care. She doesn’t feel. She doesn’t love.

But, I’ve watched my own client go through this.  I watched a young woman who was never taught to love, never given a stable home, never taught to parent, without family, with few friends,  her only support her abusive boyfriend... I watched as she tried to balance all the services, counseling, groups, and classes meant to teach her to parent well.  I watched as all of that still did not solve the brokenness that led to her being with him, him hurting her, her still relying on him, and with no strength or ability to choose her children  above the one person she believed cared about her.

I watched as she was lied to by DCFS. I watched as she again and again was hurt. I watched as the many eyes on her picked ever piece of her parenting apart.   As the foster parent, wanting to keep the baby, manipulated her and told DCFS lies.


And I've learned.


When you are told by those in power and authority that you have failed to that degree.  You believe it.  And, you believe there is no hope that you can ever come back.

Sometimes we think their lack of outward signs of emotion or them giving up fighting is proof that they don't truly care.   When in reality they are crushed, they are broken, they are weak, alone, terrified, unloved, and the only way they can survive is to numb themselves, shut down, and let those who are "just trying to help them" take away the children that love them and they love and destroy their last ounce of hope.




It's funny how I went in to this for the children and now I find I have a heart for the parents. Who know a pain most of us cannot imagine.




“How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed? and how shall they believe in him of whom they have not heard? and how shall they hear without a preacher?”  ~Romans 10:14


In Christ
~Michelle

September

Goodness gracious, September is flying by. 


We've been really busy and it doesn't look like it will ever really let up.  Which is good. It makes me actually hope that baby comes late.


We celebrated Labor Day weekend by heading out to Indiana for the Braker reunion.  The reunion was at a lake cabin and the weather was beautiful. I pretty much parked myself in the sun and watched the activities.

the lake

trying to gather the family for a picture...

We both had the day off that Monday, so...Projects!   We worked on the finishing touches of a few of the previous projects and in the afternoon, my mom came over and helped me paint the baby's room.  (Yes, I painted while pregnant. gasp.)


Tuesday Nathan and I did a second coat and on Thursday my mom came back over and helped pretty up the trim and put the room back together.


It's going to be super cute. Just saying. :)


On the 10th, we hosted potluck. We made chicken parmesan. It was awesome.

even the leftovers looked good! :)

Last week we had a few things scheduled that got canceled. I love it when that happens.  We took advantage of a little bit of quietness.


The 17th, I spent pretty much all day baking. :) which I love. you just can't go wrong with incredible amounts of butter, cinnamon and sugar. 
My mom served lunch on Sunday, so I made cinnamon rolls for her.

Oh yah :)

Sunday, Nathan and I went to Cissna for ACYF day. Nathan is a Bible Class teacher this year, so I did my wifely duty and went along. I'm glad I did. It turns out a good friend of mine is in the same position and we got to hang out all day, which was the first time in a few years. :)


The rest of September looks just about as busy with a Wedding, more projects, birth class and other baby preparations.


In Christ
~Michelle

The in between

Catching up on August.

In between Vacation and the canoe trip weekend, I've been spending my time catching up, starting, and finishing projects.

I don't know if it's nesting or if I'm just using the baby as an excuse. :)

I thought our door needed some color so, I swung by Hobby Lobby one evening. I had seen a wreath on Pinterest that I had fallen in love with, so I of course had to copy it.

tada!

I think I made it for 1/3 the price:)

Abby and Tyler were in town and needed a place to stay one evening. So, we gave them our guest room.  It was fun to have them over again. Sadly, they didn't bring the kids.

Only a few days later Kacie made a surprise visit.  She was out for some meetings before she heads to Mexico for a year.

Peaches.

Jenny and I headed to the farm one evening to work on peaches.  We go through them really fast so, mom ordered a bushel. Which was great. We didn't have to deal with earwigs coming out of the pit like you do with farm peaches.

:)

They just look so happy.

And of course, when there are wonderful fresh peaches...you make a pie. :)

mmm.

And, when you are already baking, you have to make cookies.

monster cookies (upper left) and the best chocolate chip cookies ever.

Project #1:
We've been working on a bench for our kitchen table.

It's not completely finished yet, but we're getting close.

Project #2:
A while ago, we went to Princeville to look through all of Edna's things.  I found this little children's rocker:

It had good bones but, was pretty out dated.

So, I spray painted it white. :)

Sadly, I haven't taken a picture of the finished chair.

Project #3:

We've been using an old dresser that I painted a few years ago as a side board in our dining room.  We plan to use it as a changing table for the baby, so we needed something else to take it's place.

One afternoon, we headed to El Paso to Bushart's. They have a bunch of old furniture for cheap.

And, we got this.

The coloring in this picture makes it not look so bad.

It actually was an awful yellow and brown speckled color.

I spent a morning sanding off the top of the bottom section.

To those of you who are getting in to chalk paint and wax coating... if you ever plan to refinish the furniture. Don't use wax.  I gummed up three different sander patches and ended up having to sand most of it by hand.

Finally done.

And stained!

Here you can see the color difference between the new paint and the old.

Painted, stained, new knobs...:)

The finished product! :) Eee! it makes me happy.

Project #4:

We've been in our house for over two years, and still didn't have actual curtains on our upstairs window.  So, I went to the farm and enlisted the help of my mom to cut off some curtains I had bought.

They were super wrinkly, so I figured if I washed them, I could shake them out and hang them, no problem. The tag even said machine washable.

Well they shrunk.

sigh. They are such an awkward length.

And, of course, we put them up at 11:30 at night. Poor Nathan. I was so tired. 

Our garden is on it's last legs. We pulled out the cherry tomato plants. Mainly because we couldn't handle the amount we were getting.

So, yah. I realized that of the 4 tomato plants I planted, none of them were the regular large red tomatoes. I need to learn to read packaging better.  I got two cherry tomato plants and two heirloom orange striped tomato plants.

But they look pretty :)

And, my flowers are still going strong.

August is over and we're already almost halfway through September.  I'm looking forward to campfires, s'mores, hot coco and apple cider. :) I am not looking forward to the cold.

Contrary to many assumptions, I have not been overly hot.  Actually, I spend the majority of my time inside, in an old building with no temperature regulation, with a sweater on. Even when it's 90 outside. 

In Christ

~Michelle